I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
