i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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