i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
