I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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