Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
This house was built for laser tag.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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