There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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