Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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