her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
