did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
