Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
