he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
