I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
