dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
