I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
