It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
