Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
