Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
