he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
