I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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