At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
