Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
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