I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
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you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
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You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.