nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....