I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
