i would punch a child for taco bell
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.