This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
