Sry I called you an 8
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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