i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
