I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
