party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You know, be my cock's hype man.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
