i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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