You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
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