I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
