Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
