Say something about gay babies.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
