i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
