Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
