I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
