I understand Curling. That high.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
