I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
