looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
