so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
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Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Someone signed my nipple.
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