My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
