You work out of a Hotel?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
