I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Randomize
