NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
