i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
