i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
