the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
