Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
