I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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