just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
