last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
