I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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