I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
