btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
