After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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