There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
