i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
