I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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