Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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