Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
