i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
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You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
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I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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