Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
