At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
