We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
