I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
