I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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